Sunday, May 10, 2009


I consider myself to have 2 sisters.

1 birth sister.

1 sister-in-law.

My birth sister told me tonight that I am not allowed to like my sister-in-law more than her.

Here's the thing, my birth sister and I are very close, or at least we have been very close the past few years, but since she has fallen in love and gotten married and all that, she never has time to spend with me, and it feels as though she has pretty much fallen off the face of my world, or at least has moved onto her own little world which doesn't include people who have poured so much into her life.

Am I bitter?

Perhaps a little, perhaps today, perhaps it will pass, perhaps it won't.

My sister-in-law, on the other hand, and I have never really been close. Not because I haven't wanted to, but we are very different and it has been difficult to find points of interest to connect on. However, recently that has changed. She has become a bookkeeper, and she has been working with me. We have had the opportunity these last several months to spend many many hours together, laugh together, be frustrated together, celebrate together, etc. It's been a great experience getting to know her better & vice versa.

And now when I see my birth sister, my stories seem to gravitate towards "Vicki this" and "Vicki that" and all these good fun stories of experiences Vicki & I are sharing through our work, and through the fun times we are having here at home with Chris & the kids.

And then Kerri tells me I'm not allowed to like Vicki more than her, and this presumption, this sense of ownership over my affection simply because of history, is crap. She can't have the benefits of being my favorite sister without the involvement of actually relating to me.

And that's that.

She did buy us all dinner tonight, so maybe that's her attempt at involvement. Still kind of lame though - not dinner, just the way the relationship has gone down the tubes because apparently nothing matters these past 6 months to a year besides her own little tiny world & whatever is benefitting to her.



  1. People in my life learned when I was still a child (well, teenager) that the single best way to destroy a relationship with me was to stake out ownership. Anybody trying the whole "you can't like/must like" game on me found themselves ditched rapidly. This even included family at one point. (Not immediate family mind.)

    I think you may wish to sit down and have a frank discussion with your sister (birth) about what she's doing and what the consequences can and likely will be should she not change her course. Don't paint it as a threat. Paint it as historical inevitability.

  2. I'd be pretty worried if I didn't read the other post first. Ya, I agree with Michael - honesty is the best policy. And I'm glad that you wrote about how you feeling, and I totally agree with you. When it comes to family, we sometimes get too familiar with each other, and tend to take each other's feeling forgranted. Just because your born into the same family, doesn't mean you get instant friendship, you have to work and earn it. I try to make sure that I never overstep my bounds, and I'm quick to tell mom and tennille if they have. If chad does - which is often, I reluctantly tell him. Our relationship is getting better...but it can be tense at times due to his dry, sarcastic humor. ummm chad is chad.