Why do I always think of many things to write about when I am out & about, busy & unable to write it down at that moment? Oh well.
The shades of gray seem like shadows.
Gray is such a non word, a non concept, it is the concept of blurriness, of not being able to see clearly.
It is like 1 Corinthians 13:12 (Whole Chapter)
Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. [ Greek see face to face.] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
When I say that I see things in shades of gray - this Bible verse explains very clearly in black & white what it is that I feel and mean.
I don't know everything. I don't know if I'm right or wrong. I don't know if what i think is real, is actually real.
I was sharing with my sister-in-law today about this, about how the older I get, the less sure I am of my opinions. I like to argue less (and for those of you who know how much I like to debate and argue, just know that I used to do this much much more than I do now), and I like to hear other people's thoughts more. And the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. I don't think I explained it very well to her, but this concept of grayness is what I am talking about.
Shades of gray.
A cloudy mirror.
Now we see things imperfectly, because we don't know everything.
When will we know? If we meet God in heaven, we can have access to His knowledge, but even then can we contain all of the clarity? Do I need to? No, I don't think so.
I think it's enough to know that Someone else knows.
It's enough to rest in the peace of a Sovereign being.
Do I relinquish responsibility, then, for my life, my decisions, my family?
No of course not.
I run with those responsibilities! They are my drive, my passions, my fuel. But I do not know everything, and so I can only run with my limited capabilities: try as I should, but have peace that it is not my responsibility to attain perfection, nor to change the world. I am my responsibility.
My heart, my thoughts, my choices, my actions.
My prayer is that I may simplify the desires of my heart.
For now I see life as through a cloudy mirror.
For now I see my friends as through a cloudy mirror.
For now I see those I love as through a cloudy mirror.
Who am I to judge?
Who am I to insist upon my own thoughts or opinions?
For now I see as through a cloudy mirror.
But my resting place is not gray, He is not shady, He is not uncertain: My resting place is Jesus, a Living Spirit whom I sense and who is the Energy, who is the Connecting Force, who is the Foundation, and on Whom I can place my trust.
I spoke with my sister-in-law today. I did not share all of these thoughts, as I see through a cloudy mirror, often my words also come out as a muddled collection of random words and thoughts. But I wish I could share it, in a comprehensible way, share experiences I have had which have impacted my entire existence and personality.
I shared with my sister-in-law today, I am thankful for the opportunity to build relationship with her, and I am so thankful for my family, her included.
I see as through a cloudy mirror.
But one day I will see with clarity and all my own misconceptions will fall away. One day, but I am not in a rush. I have peace to live well now, and I can live well while seeing life through my cloudy mirror - the limits of my own humanity.